They say you should only look back in order to see how far you have come.
I couldn’t help but take a brief look back today, and I am amazed at myself – my strength, my resilience, my resolve to finally move forward and heal.
I know I’ve said it before, but things don’t always work out the way you think they will or the way that they actually “should”.
When it comes right down to it, the truth is this:
1.) You’re not always going to get the closure you seek or the explanation you think you deserve.
2.) Sometimes you have to simply accept something for what it is and move on.
3.) Everything really does happen for a reason – even if you don’t fully understand the logic behind it at the time.
A friend and I had a discussion today about old wounds, childhood trauma, and the behaviors that can sometimes follow us into adulthood simply because we’ve never known any other way. And it’s true, unprocessed trauma can keep you in a never ending loop of your past. You can be 25-years-old with an 8-year-old mindset and mental process…which is why you people please, or over extend, or stay in places longer than you should, in situations that no longer serve you, or with people who inflict so much pain, simply because you know no greater love. Your inner child is screaming “finally someone loves me” – and no one’s love is more unconditional than a child’s.
But you don’t have to stay there, stuck in the dark, looking behind at all the things you wish had turned out differently. You don’t have to lose yourself in the would-a’ could-a’, should-a’s that weigh you down with guilt. You can choose to move on. You have the power to turn the page on that chapter of your life.
Start now, start fresh. Initiate a plot twist. Change the narrative, change the ending. This life is your story, the pen is in your hands, and the options are as endless as your own imagination.
When it comes to the past, choose to carry with you only the lessons and the blessings.
This is where I am at now too. And what I love the most is the freedom that I have found to finally strike a balance – to pursue my happiness and protect my peace.
It’s not always easy. Old habits really do die hard – especially for someone who was raised to feel worthless and guilty for pretty much everything. But I am choosing a different path now…because the choice is literally mine!
The best part about coming out of the dark is that nothing ever really looks quite the same. Everything is so much better, so much brighter, and feels so much lighter when you finally choose to release yourself from the darkness step out into the light.
“I choose to fully inhabit my body, to slay my inner demons, and to nurture my inner child. I choose to go the distance to live my dreams, not just to survive, but to thrive. I choose to walk my own path. I choose to settle only for what I want. I choose to write to understand myself, not to be understood. I choose to share my story, not to be heard, but to hear the echo of my truth. I choose to be me no matter how strange, weird, or uncomfortable it may be for others. I choose to let go of the people who make me feel insignificant. I choose to free my past. I choose to forgive, because it’s freeing for me. I choose to stop fighting life, because life knows that I’m already strong.”– Tanya Markul, “The SHE Book”