It’s never only about the “win” because, while losses hurt, sometimes we need to feel that pain – it’s what pushes us into something better, shapes us into someone stronger, because when your whole world caves in, and your dreams are crushed, and everything comes crashing down around you, you’ve got to be brave enough to push your way through and come out on top of it all.
I don’t think life is all about winning anyway. The trick is to get knocked down enough that you know what it takes to keep standing – to get back up again, to feel the solitude of your own company, and to have it be enough. To be buried in the burden of it all, and feel the weight of carrying what’s wrong, so that you can appreciate it that much more when it all feels right.
I’ve come a long way in the last 9 months, since suffering significant injuries in a skydiving accident.
I am finally back to running 3 days per week and strength training 2 days per week. I’m holding well to this plan and am on track to increase my body’s strength, tolerance, and recovery time within this next month to accommodate 4 days running and 3 days strength training. That being said, I may have gotten a little ahead of myself this past weekend.
I had what I’d like to call a “breakthrough run” on Saturday morning, logging 7.25 miles effortlessly and without any need for a slow down or a walk break. This is the first time, since sustaining my skydiving injuries, that I have felt this good or performed this well on a run. That being said, I should have known that I was not going to get away with this performance so easily – and it certainly wasn’t long before my body started to talk back, reminding me of all the things that are irreparably different with me this year. Luckily for me, Sunday was my planned rest day.
It’s Monday now and, while I’m feeling much better and am ready and able to do today’s workout at Fit Body Bootcamp, I will definitely be moving slower and focusing most of my attention on maintaining proper form rather than keeping pace with the rest of the class.
I spoke with Shep this morning, too, and while I feel myself resisting his truth, I know that he is right in his advice for me, moving forward – “Take a break before you need it, then you will need less of a break when the going gets tough.”
I need to know when to walk – even though I don’t want to, even when I feel like I don’t have to. It truly is the walk breaks that have built my body back up in strength and endurance. These momentary slow downs are not moments of weakness or failure, as I used to view them – they are actually, in fact, safeguards that allow me to reassess, make corrections to my form, and determine whether the things I am feeling are merely discomfort or are actually crossing into my threshold for pain.
Like Shep’s reasoning to me, earlier this morning – running 7 miles with walk breaks, followed by the ability to run again the very next day is a much better place to be at than running 7 miles with no walk breaks and being in pain or unable to recover for several more days.
If I can manage the limitations of my body throughout my workouts and prevent myself from further injury, then there will be nothing left to hinder my efforts in progressing even further.
That’s what life is really all about anyway – learning to navigate your way through loss, with the undying will to still come out with a win. And, to me, simply having the ability to experience a good run after all that I have been through is, and always will be, my favorite kind of win!