I’ve been wondering why this whole #Coronavirus2020😷 hasn’t scared me.
On the contrary, I’ve become more calm, peaceful, and at ease. 🧘🏻♀️
I believe it has to do with what I’ve done, where I’ve been, and all that I’ve seen working as a Paramedic for most of my life, as well as, the things I have felt, experienced, and somehow survived these past 2 & 1/2 years.
Prior to losing my parents, I felt so much pride in my profession.
It was an honor and a privilege to serve the public and I truly believed we saved lives.
After losing my parents, my views on life, death, and everything in between completely changed.
I realized that the majority of the time we really didn’t SAVE many lives but, rather, prolonged an inevitable death…and, in many cases, added to the pain and misery with which it ultimately concluded.
Day to day “problems” and stressors seemed to pale in comparison to the very real fragility of this life which we all too often take for granted.
It was in this very dark time that I lost my connection with many things – including my role as a Paramedic and my connection with many people that simply could not understand my thought process regarding life and death and what REALLY matters in this world.
Perhaps because they did not share my feelings and experiences or because I withdrew from most everyone and everything as I attempted to sort it all out in my own head.
To this day, I still struggle with truly connecting with people and understanding the passions and “purpose” to which some people cling to.
Oftentimes I struggle to conform and/or fit in and that used to bother me…but not any more.
It’s not that I “have all the answers” because I most certainly do not.
But, in this time of “social distancing” and taking care of what REALLY matters – myself & my family- I have finally felt 💯 at peace for the first time in my whole life.
This is what I know for sure:
You can not change the past – no matter how long you stand still, looking back, feeling sadness, guilt, or regret.
You can not predict the future – no matter how meticulously you calculate, plot, plan, or prepare.
The only thing you can control is yourself and how you choose to perceive your current circumstances and surroundings.
You see, it doesn’t matter what you do for a living, how much money you make, or how big of a house you live in.
What matters most in this life (the ONLY THING THAT MATTERS in this life) is THIS VERY MOMENT.
And how you choose to experience it.
I choose peace.