“ …and it may be that needing “closure” was just a convenient little story I told myself. If I’m being true, all I really wanted was a different ending.”– “She Loves Dandelions” – Prose & Ponderings
It’s been five years since we laid my parents to rest. Five years ago, on this very day, I stood beside their grave and spoke to the crowd. All eyes were upon me as my voice quivered and my hands shook. I spoke for my parents, for my sister, and on behalf of our children. But today I speak for myself – because it’s my turn, and this has gone on for way too long.
I’ve decided to forgive you, and cast aside these feelings which bear your name. Because holding onto this anger is just another way of allowing you to steal my joy and burn my soul.
Even if you were sorry, I would no longer care.
When all is said and done, I don’t even want your apology. In fact, I no longer wish to speak with you at all – because enough has already been said.
There are no words left for you to say, and nothing you can do will ever make up for what you’ve done.
The forgiveness being given is not even for you. It’s for me. Because I don’t deserve to suffer – and carrying around this burden of anger and guilt and hate has done nothing more than weigh me down.
The second chance you’ve been given is also not for you. It’s for your family. Because they need you. Because they want you. And because they still depend upon you.
The peace I hold inside my heart tonight is derived from the faith I have in this Universe to always deliver the hands which must be dealt.
The freedom from this entirely is a gift I am giving myself – because none of it was ever my fault and the burden of responsibility was never even mine to bear. I chose to pick it up. And now I am choosing to put it back down.
I wish I could say that I wish you the best, but that would be a lie. Nor do I wish you the worst. I simply wish for your heart to be open enough to receive all the lessons that you are in alignment to learn. Whether that be good or bad is none of my business – that’s between you and the karmic energy of our Universe.